Jonathan Crane Responds To Rumors
by FearPersonified
Summary: Jonathan Crane responds to rumors he finds about himself over the Internet. Who knows? Maybe if he somehow sees your rumor, you could read his response to it right here.
1. Chapter 1

I, Jonathan Crane, sit in my office at Arkham Asylum, typing away on my computer where I ignore my important paperwork that needs to be done. However, I really have no care for it because I have far more interesting and important things to do, not that any of my co workers would understand. They have nothing except for their work, though I am much more superior. And obviously, a lot more popular.

As of lately, I have taken a keen interest in finding rumors about myself through the Internet. They are, to say the least, disturbing. Yet interesting. Some of these people have very deranged minds.

Though I am pretty sexy, if I do say so myself.

I type away on my computer still, looking for any rumors worthy of my responses. I find it a very amusing, yet not exactly productive way to spend my time. And I would love it if there were more that I could look at.

One rumor catches my eye.

"Dr. Jonathan Crane has an entire drawful of panties that he wears only on Friday and Saturday nights."

I laugh, a hearty laugh that resonates from my belly. "If I did have a draw full of panties, which I don't." I say to clarify to any of the gods that might be listening. "But if I did, I could think of a lot better things to do with them, my dear. Whoever you are, I enjoy you're creative idea, but you seriously underestimate my own creativity when it comes to lingerie."

For now, I shut down my computer and gather my things from my office, ready to go home for the day. I will continue my rumor hunnting later on.

**A/N:I responds to rumors! If you have any rumors you've seen somewhere or want me to respond to, give me a suggestion as to how to continue this story. I am trying to keep it under the site rules, it is written out in story form and it is not exactly a Q&A. But it does not count as an interactive story if you merely give me suggestions to help me continue the story, right? My ****efforts to keep this story under the site rules are very tiring and it has taken me forever to come up with something that might possible be allowed. Suggestions, but not questions. Just helping me improve my story, right? That should be allowed. Are we clear, yes?**

** Best regards to all of you,**

** Jonathan Crane aka Master of Fear**


	2. Chapter 2

I sat down at my desk, once again, typing away on my computer. There were a wave of new rumors which I honestly did not expect. These were especially interesting since in the past few days, these were seemingly beginning to get more and more mundane. Unfortunately, Scarecrow had gotten wind of what I was doing. He had been pretty dormant ever since this "habit" started. But he had... come back? Maybe that is not the right way to phrase it. But he caught me in the middle and now he has a lot to say about the things people say about me, too. Boy, this should be fun.

"Jonathan Crane is bi. And I bet he's single, too!"

**"Well, that's almost right..." **Scarecrow chided.

"Well that's only because I'm straight and you're not." I shot back.

**"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean you're better than me." **Scarecrow sneered at me, trying to get me to flinch.\

"Well at least I'm not single, like you!"

**"I'll find the one, he's waiting for me."**

"Scarecrow, you are never going to date Harry Styles."

**"Well if we don't work out then there's-"**

"Or Liam Payne." I said exasperated.

**"But-"**

"Or Louis Tomlinson."

**"There's no proof-"**

"No member of One Direction will ever date you, Scarecrow. Now shut up."

I continued searching for another rumor to look at. There were none especially interesting so it took a little while to actually find a suitable one.

"Jonathan Crane sleeps with a stuffed unicorn that he named Delilah."

I had to scoff at that one. Though Scarecrow has been bugging me to get a stuffed unicorn but we both agreed that Delilah was not a suitable name for a, preferably male, unicorn.

**"You know what this reminds me of?"**

"What, Scarecrow? What does this remind you of?"

Scarecrow began to sing. **"Hey there, Delilah. What's it like in New York City?"**

"Please. Just stop."

He did and I looked at my pile of paperwork, which was growing steadily larger. I looked at it sadly, and sighed.

"Work for later." I said to myself and got up to walk out of the door.

**"Time to go mess with Falcone then." **Scarecrow jeered, excitedly.

"Yeah, try to keep your raging man crush on him under control..." I sighed, rolling my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I apparently don't own Batman. We need to fix this...**

Falcone was muttering under his breath. He had been like this for days and I was completely and utterly satisfied with my little experiment. Scarecrow, on the other hand, was fiercely overprotective of his imbecile crush. He would have been happy about this if it weren't for the little kiss that he and Falcone had shared without my notice. There had been replays in my mind while Scarecrow fought for dominance. The scene had made me vomit more than enough times.

"Scarecrow... Scarecrow..." Falcone muttered under his breath as he twitched on his cot that he was strapped down to.

**"Orange suits him..." **Scarecrow said, dreamily while I had been observing him.

"Shut up, Scarecrow.." I told him and walked into the room where Falcone was residing in for the moment. I faintly heard Scarecrow make a comment about Falcone muttering his name and shuddered. This was ridiculous.

"Coast is clear, Carmine. No one else is here." I said, bored. I set down my clipboard on the table across the room and unstrapped him from the cot. Falcone sat up and grinned.

"I got a juicy one for you, Crane." Falcone laughed as he sat up. His act was off. He wasn't crazy. However, he was terrified of me so he did what I told him to. I was in charge of the asylum and he wouldn't dare mess with me at the moment.

"What is it?" I asked, a hint of excitement betraying me in my voice. I coughed in an attempt to disguise it.

"Well, one of my guys found this one yesterday." Falcone stated. "It said, 'Jonathan Crane is gayer than a fruit bat and has the hots for Batman!'" he looked proud of the statement.

I rolled my eyes, but a confused look crossed my expression. "Fruit bats are gay? Explains a lot.. Maybe the Bat does like guys..." I said. Scarecrow gave a little jolt of excitement. "And no, _I _am not gayer than a fruit bat. And therefore, I do not have the hots for Batman. And even if I did, I'd think a guy as crazy as the Batman would come with a little too much baggage, if you know what I mean..." I scoffed and brushed my collar off.

**"Hey! Don't ruin my chances with Batman! If me and Falcone don't work out-"**

"_But what about-"_

**"And Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, and Zayn Malik, then Batman is my next choice! The ears are sexy!" **

_"_So, I saw this other one a little while ago and it was pretty funny. It was, 'Jonathan Crane sleeps with ten women a night.'" I said. "'And they're all older than ninety.'"

Falcone hooted out booming laughter and slapped his knee. "Wow, I mean, I always knew you were a sexy beast but _ten _women a week over _ninety?!" _he laughed even louder. "That's a good one! So... Is it true?"

"NO! I've never slept with a woman over ninety!" I yelled, blushing red in the face.

**"Well what about-"**

Falcone looked at me with disbelief. "Really? Why are you blushing?"

"Well there was this one time..."

Falcone laughed. "Who knew Jonathan Crane-"

**"Was into cougars?!"**

I picked up my clipboard and left the room abruptly. Before I went, I turned to face Falcone. "I think our session is over. We will resume in a week."

**A/N: So this was another installation of Jonathan Crane Responds To Rumors. Please PM me with rumors you have heard and speculate will make this story better. Pms make my day because even the Good Doctor gets bored. If you want to ask me any questions, or just talk to me, please PM me. I would love to 'chat' with others out there. Or if you want to talk to Scarecrow, both are available.**

** Sincerely,**

** Scarecrow and Dr. Jonathan Crane**

** (Scarecrow insisted his name go first.)**


End file.
